The path to finding “the one” can be the equivalent of a dog trying to get comfy in its bed.
It winds through first dates, last dates, the love-drunk infatuation that comes with the beginnings of a relationship, and the heart-crushing acceptance that comes with the endings of one.
These experiences help us learn more about ourselves, our relationship goals, what values we prioritize, and what red flags to avoid in order to approach relationships with a more mature and enlightened perspective.
However, they can also affect the way we view relationships, and even ourselves, in harmful ways. This can result in unconsciously forming a belief system built off of negative experiences and failed relationships. These are called limiting beliefs.
How are limiting beliefs formed?
We form these beliefs as a defensive mechanism to protect ourselves from heartbreak, pain, and disappointment.
For example, if you’ve been cheated on in the past, you might start to carry the belief that no romantic partner can be fully trusted. If you haven’t met anyone you’ve connected with online, you may tell yourself that you’ll never get a quality match, so online dating is a waste of time.
While these beliefs are originally intended to help you (if you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t get hurt), they ultimately are blocking you from ever having the relationship you dream of (closing off your heart to partners that might deserve your trust, or writing off online dating and missing out on so many possibilities).
How does one overcome limiting beliefs in dating?
In order to overcome a limiting belief, you need to accept it, understand it, and reframe it. And, being a pet lover’s dating app at FetchaDate, we believe it helps to lean into your pet’s unconditional love.
1. What core fear is lying under this belief?
If you carry the belief that every partner will cheat, ask yourself what that belief would mean if it were true?
Perhaps the true fear underneath that belief is “I am unlovable.”
Your pet lets you know every time you walk through the door that you are loveable, wanted, and needed. They treasure your presence and companionship. You are important to them every day.
2. Name the fear behind what’s holding you back.
Naming the fear can provide you with a new awareness, and therefore acceptance, of what insecurities and unhealed wounds you have been carrying around with you from the past.
From there, you can move toward a deeper understanding by asking yourself where you originally formed this belief and how it is affecting the way you move through life now.
With understanding comes power.
Some pets’ circumstances can help us understand this scenario. When a dog has been abused by a former owner, it has to learn to trust again. It takes time, a soft voice, gentle pets, consistency of patience, and rewarding treats. It’s a beautiful sight when a shy, timid dog blossoms and trusts again to enjoy life.
The past doesn’t have to relive the future, especially when the circumstances have changed.
3. What is the origin of this belief?
Tracing the origin of that belief to a significant time in your life (ex. college relationship or your parent’s divorce) can help you learn from that experience and process trauma you may have been repressing.
Recognizing how it’s blocking you from moving forward now (refusing to go on dating apps, self-sabotaging relationships once you develop emotional connections) will provide perspective into what can change moving forward to prevent that belief from continuing to hold you captive.
We all have various triggers that may subconsciously make us react. Our pets do too. For example, food aggression in dogs may stem from survival mode. But just as a dog can learn to not be aggressive, we can learn new patterns from our triggering pasts.
4. Reframe and Replace
Finally, you must reframe and replace that belief with a new one, as in one that will bring you closer to your goals instead of holding you back.
“I am unlovable” becomes “I am enough.”
“Everyone will leave me” becomes “I trust my judgment of people.”
“Who am I without someone” becomes my personal favorite: “I am valuable and worthy whether they are in my life or not.”
The replacement of a limiting belief isn’t one that will happen overnight. Write the new belief down, hang it on your mirror, and whisper it to yourself before you go to sleep and when you wake up in the morning. Eventually, it will start to feel true.
One benefit of having a pet is their pack mentality of wanting others around. When you have a pet, it demonstrates you’re responsible, caring, loving, and can share your life with a “human” pack.
Give it a try with online dating at FetchaDate, where you know everyone is a pet lover.
