Why They Pull Away When You Like Them Back
Real dating questions. Honest answers.
These questions come from members of the FetchaDate community.
(This question was asked anonymously.)
When someone pursues you enthusiastically, then pulls away as soon as you return their feelings, it’s easy to question yourself. Sheryl Matthys explains why mixed signals happen and why someone else’s uncertainty doesn’t define your worth.
Hi Sheryl,
I recently met a guy who approached me first and made it very clear he was interested. He complimented me constantly and even told me he admired me like I was some kind of “Greek goddess.” (His words, not mine! 😂)
Naturally, I started catching feelings because I thought we were on the same page.
But then everything changed.
Suddenly it was…
“I’m mentally unstable.”
“You intimidate me.”
“I’m not ready for a relationship.”
Now I’m left wondering…
Why do some people pursue someone so enthusiastically, only to pull away the moment those feelings are returned?
— A Confused Pet Lover
Dear Confused Pet Lover,
First, let me reassure you that you didn’t do anything wrong by returning someone’s interest.
Sometimes people genuinely believe they’re ready for a relationship — until things get real.
The excitement of pursuing someone can feel easier than the vulnerability that comes with building a genuine connection.
When someone says things like, “You intimidate me,” or “I’m not ready,” it often reflects where they are emotionally, not your worth.
As disappointing as it may feel, it’s better to discover this early than to invest your heart in someone who isn’t ready to meet you where you are.
The right person won’t be scared away because you liked them back.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual interest, honest communication, and both people’s emotional readiness.
Remember this:
Someone else’s uncertainty doesn’t diminish your value. It simply means they weren’t ready for what you were willing to offer.
Keep being vulnerable; it’s the investment to finding your person and love!
Sheryl
The Pet Lover’s Dating Coach
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