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Wondering, should you go on a second date when the first one leaves you questioning someone’s behavior? A late arrival and an unexpected conversation about credit scores can make you hesitate. Sheryl Matthys shares how to recognize potential red flags, respect your boundaries, and decide whether a second date is worth exploring.
Hi Sheryl,
I met a nice guy at the dog park, and at a later date we met for coffee.
However, he was 20 minutes late, and that really rubbed me the wrong way.
He was also talking about how important credit scores were, and I think he wanted me to share mine (which I didn’t).
Do I go on another date with him?
Curious about his clock & his credit,
Laurie
Laurie,
Yay, your dog made this introduction. 😂
Kudos to you both for mingling, and I love that you met this guy at the dog park. Simply being out with your pet opens doors to meeting potential dates!
While your dog played “WingPet”, let’s now “dig” into whether this connection is worth further exploring.
First, here are my fetchlove Dating Signals
PLAY FETCH:
Let’s go! You like what you’re seeing and what’s happening.
SIT & STAY:
Slow down. Something was off. Don’t judge too soon, but proceed with caution.
LEAVE IT:
Protect Your Peace.
Something doesn’t align. Don’t rationalize it away. Just move on.
What to Look for on Your Second Date
There are actually two separate issues here:
* being 20 minutes late
* the credit-score conversation
1. The 20-Minute Lateness
Twenty minutes is quite long. But it may not be an automatic dealbreaker. I have to admit, I’ve run late to some things. What matters is how he handled being late.
Did he text you that he was running late?
Did he have a legitimate reason?
If so, then it’s a signal.
Or did he stroll in 20 minutes late without seeming to care that you were waiting?
If so, that can be manipulation, seeing what you’ll tolerate.
2. The Credit Score Conversation
Okay, bringing up credit scores on a first coffee date is definitely unusual and not advised. 😂
Dude, there are more subtle ways to gauge someone’s financial values without throwing out your credit score!
That being said, he gets the benefit of the doubt here.
Since he didn’t directly ask for yours, perhaps he was awkwardly trying to communicate that financial responsibility matters to him. Or maybe he was simply trying to impress you by showing that he’s doing well for himself? **Men love to do that!**
What His Credit Score Comments Might Mean
He seems to have strong feelings about debt and financial compatibility. Perhaps he’s looking for someone who shares his values.
Without knowing his background, it’s also possible he grew up in a family that struggled financially and doesn’t want to repeat that experience. Those are legitimate concerns when looking for a serious relationship.
Regardless of his intentions, you were absolutely right not to share personal financial information when you weren’t comfortable doing so. You don’t owe anyone that information, especially on a first date.
Over time, you can learn a lot about someone’s financial mindset without discussing specific credit scores right away.
So, Should You Go on a Second Date?
If the encounter has completely turned you off and you’re no longer interested in getting to know him, that’s a RED SIGN for you. Don’t overthink it.
On the other hand, if he had a good reason for being late and was simply awkward when talking about money, consider it a blinking YELLOW LIGHT. Proceed with caution.
Here’s why: you described him as a nice guy. You’re both animal lovers who met at the dog park, and you were interested enough to meet him for coffee in the first place.
Those positive signs might be worth a second fetch!
A Second Date Is an Opportunity, Not a Commitment
Dating isn’t about deciding after one date whether someone is your future spouse. A second date isn’t a commitment. It’s another opportunity to gather information.
So, if you’re comfortable, go fetch that second date with curiosity, not expectations.
What to Look for on Your Second Date
Pay attention to how he treats your time and whether he listens to what you have to say.
Notice whether the conversation feels balanced. Does he ask questions about you, too? More importantly, does he respect your boundaries when a topic feels too personal?
Just as importantly, consider whether you actually enjoy being around him.
Don’t Forget to Check In With Yourself
Sometimes we get so busy evaluating whether someone is right for us that we forget to ask ourselves an equally important question:
“Do I like who I am when I’m with this person?”
The right connection should feel good, too. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re together, not just whether he checks all the boxes.
If those yellow signals disappear, great!
However, if they become patterns or turn into even more yellow lights, there’s no third date. It’s NEXT!
Remember, first dates aren’t about making a lifetime decision. Instead, ask yourself: “Do I like who I am when I’m with this person, and do I enjoy being around them?”
First dates aren’t about a lifetime decision; just ask yourself, “Do I like who I am when I’m with this person and do I enjoy being around them?”
Sheryl
The Pet Lover’s Dating Coach
Issue #6: fetchadate “Fetch Friday – Ask Sheryl” newsletter
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